HONG KONG 2012 WAS THE SHITTTTTTTTTT.

HONGKONG, PLEASE BE AWESOME.

My fears will kill me someday. I have terrible issues with myself. I think I have this crazy soul living inside me that gives me second thoughts about the things I am doing. You know, I never had the slightest intention to hurt anybody. 

Its tempting...but predictable.

For once, stop making me feel like an option. Sometimes what someone say or do can hurt you so bad but whatever, like what a dear friend said, I am not going to let this affect the awesome week! So many people made my day this week, I think I might be in love with life. From colleagues treating you for lunch, to bumping into an old schoolmate in a gym and making lots of new friends. I appreciate long sincere thoughts really. Life is honestly too short to be uptight, so I have decided, maybe what I need is a change of job. I know the next few weeks gonna be awesome. Well why wouldnt it be right, its gonna be payday, lots of dates and a well deserve getaway. Alhamdullilah.

There are  so many things in life that may not seem promising and sometimes you just dont know if its even worth it. But like what Coldplay would say " If you never try, you never know". I think its important that at some point in time we will have to meet with a terrible downfall, a huge mistake that you will find it hard to move on from and perhaps from there after picking up, insyallah life will get better  And I think I just found out that the sole reason why I am not doing things I wanna do, is prolly because I am just too afraid.  I am this coward of a person inside me who is so fragile and scared to even do mistakes, people might even judge me as a perfectionist. I get sad over the slightest things. And how do you think I will even cope if a huge downfall hits me one day? Slash wrist I will prolly just die. Over and over again, my parents kept reminding me that no one is perfect, everyone is bound to make mistakes, be it big or small, its always a lesson learnt after that. I should stop thinking that 21 is old because if this thoughts go on, I will honestly turn hopeless someday. I talk alot about what I wanna do and what I wanna be but nothing's done because I am so so scared of the outcome. I think its a challenge to fight this feeling, but I am going to do this, I will do this.(!!!)  I mean afterall, perfect is boring, right! LIFE'S SHORT, JUST TAKE THE DAMN RISK! Cant wait for 2013...hahaha.

I learn something about myself this week. The only way to look forward to a week ( well for me at least) is to actually pretend that you have plans after work, that way, the day goes by faster hahah and this actually works! I know I sound quite pathetic here but really,  the real way to look forward to a week is of course having lots of plans for the weekends so if you dont have plans, pretend you have one! Dont come to work dreading like " uhhhh, its gonna be a bloody boring week, all my friends have plans, its stay home saturday blablabla" scrap that off babes! This week, I also managed to meet a friend whom Ive not met before and well it was okay. I think I am slowly overcoming the fear of meeting people. Its really funny how I want a job that allows me to meet so many different kinds of people from all walks of life and how I would love to just talk and talk and talk and when it comes to something personal like this, I always push people away. Dating is scary. To know someone new is tiring. The whole damn cycle will repeat, why isnt anyone scared! Hahaha but yeah,  im open to just hanging out. 

And yesterday, I witness love. Fine, love do exists okay? It was cute watching my bestfriend getting all so nervous because she was about to meet the fockers. She did alot for her boyrfriend's birthday, spending so much and I think only love can explain that. It was a good day spent, made lots of new friends and well, Im all conscious about my tummy now after taking the whole plate of bbq chicken wings to myself blearghh its definitely gym after work this week. ( that means I dont have to pretend I have afterwork plans hohoho). 

3 more Mondays to a getaway!!

SIGH.
verb (used without object)


1. to let out one's breath audibly, as from sorrow, weariness, or relief.

I.should.stop.this.bad.habit.

I guess sometimes the things we looked forward to the most arent exactly the things worth getting excited about. I think I waited for months for this day and so I thought it could be the start of something new. It could be a life changing moment. Or it could be.... nothing. Err, it turned out to be nothing.  @#$%^&())(* I woke up to the most heaviest heart today. For some reason, I felt like a mess all over again. I shouldnt have even give this a shot.  I wanted it to be happy and crazy and we could go all hahahaha again but no, it was so effortless, disappointing and... boring. 

You know that jittery feeling when you waited for something for months and how excited you are, being a step closer to THE day every time each day passes, and then when it arrives, you completely become clueless on what to feel or how to feel anymore like you become this empty of a person and nothing gets worst when your hopes didn't turn out not even slightly near to what you expected. Its like going on a bad holiday. But a bad holiday breaks a wallet , expectations break a heart. Bleargh I dont know if you understand what I am trying to put across here but bottomline is, never never never never ever hope. Not a single bit. Cos if you are fragile like me, you have no idea how I seriously feel like killing myself now. 

On a good note, its Friday Friday Friday! I was really this happy of a person before and I shouldn't allow anyone to change that. I foresee an awesome weekend, Plus I cant wait for the Queen's birthday! <3

Amos Lee - Colors (feat. Norah Jones)

Yesterday I got lost in the circus,
feeling like such a mess.
And now I'm down,
I'm just hanging on the corner.
I can't help but reminisce.

I am back to being this whole 'future thing being scary' feeling.  How many people actually love their job? Sometimes I dont understand what is a 20 year old like me sitting in an office from 9-5, doing a job that I barely like, being in a company that I dont foresee myself climbing at all. And everytime I feel this way, I always tell myself. Security jar, security. Then now I start to wonder again. What, do I have 10 kids at home, a house and car to pay, credit card bills and insurances to settle? What security have I been talking about! I am 20, I should be carefree. Isnt that my 2012 resolution? I should wander around, take a risk and fall. But instead here I am, complaining to Ma about work everyday and I know I will live to regret if I dont leave this. But I am afraid. What if I dont make it? What if I cant make it? What if I am NOT meant to make it? And perhaps staying in this job is a safe path afterall. Bleargh.  What am I doing?

Some people are really lucky. They get what they want, sometimes without even working hard for it. And thats really frustrating. Then you start asking yourself " I am a nice person, I do nice things to people, but why dont I get good things in return? Some people are just lucky that they are contented with their first full time job. And instantaneously know that this is what they have been studying for and this is what they want. But how come that doesnt apply to me? Why am I this clueless of a person? Why do I NOT know what I want?

I have come to realise that perhaps this industry isn't my cup of tea. It is too dry and boring, it gets so mundane that the only thing I look forward to work is my annual leave. I want to jump, meet people, mingle around, afterall thats what young people do. Not sit in some office, facing the computer everyday with stupid rules and regulations to abide.  It is okay to job hop right? It is okay to explore right? It is okay to  make mistakes right? Then why am I not doing it. Because until I have not gather the courage to actually go through another failure, I think I will be stuck in this until God knows when.

Sighs. Perhaps, I should have just went to Uni after graduation. At least, I have MORE time to think about this.

Good things come to those who wait. Insyallah. 

Nobody will ever forget today. Today's incident may have scored me an interview with Ellen or a page in 9gag haha but before I start this post, may I remind you that if you have intentions of dating me hahah, remmeber that I am just an ordinary girl. I am NOT a tough shell at all.

Sometimes we want to appear as this perfect girl infront of everyone, including to your own closest friends but we all know that nobody is perfect. Nobody is. And after awhile you learned that it is okay to act stupid, to have chilli on your pants, to have food around your mouth, to be insanely scared of taking rollercoasters, to just be silly.

Yesterday was a lesson learnt. I learned that it is okay to be weak, guys. When you push yourself too hard knowing you cant handle it yet you still do it,nothing ever good ever comes out of it. Nothing.

Take me as an example. I honestly dont know who I was trying to impress, perhaps my friends, perhaps myself. Perhaps I was trying to hard to prove to everyone that I was capable of at least something. The whole day started out perfect. We had breakfast at Macs, reached USS early, and the first thing we did was the Battlestar. The 14 storeys free fall freaked me out abit, I thought what am I doing here! But after awhile, the thrill kept me going, before I knew it we were already queueing for the rollercoaster again after three rounds of mummy rides. By then, after lunch, I knew I wasnt feeling good. It wasnt the same excitement as I came in this morning like a 10 year old kid entering a kiddyland. I felt nauseaus. I could throw up anytime and the Transformer ride made it even worst. I honestly felt my food went up to the throat back, disgusting as it seems I actually swallowed it back. Suddenly the whole excitement became a dread as I remember how Zimah excitedly told the boys that we should take the Human and Cyclone 5 times each. I am going " like whuttt" inside. Putting a brave front was a wrong move. Queueing up for the Cyclone got me thinking. I was already sitting on it. In my heart I went " This thing is gonna move at 80km/hr what are the chances of me puking?" Then off it when. The adrenaline rush killed the motion sickness only for awhile until the rollercoaster went 360degrees thats when I knew I couldnt take it anymore. But it was too late. I remember murmuring my last few words to Mega "I want to puke" before I officially became a merlion. Then bits of chickens, my Macs, my $11.50 worth of lunch all gushed out and it wouldnt stopped.This all happened in the middle of the ride. Zimah actually offered her hands as I kept vomitting on her and by then I was drenched wet. In my own vomit. The worst moment was when the rollercoaster actually had stopped and I saw the stunned faces people had on their faces as they watched me covered in vomit and I kept apologising to the staff for messing up the whole rollercoaster.

At this time all I wanted to do was run away. To anywhere, where no one was looking at me in that manner like I was the joke of the town. I cant remember the exact discussion the boys and Zimah had about getting me clean clothes and washing me up, while they surrounded me and we ran to the nearest toilet which was only 200m away? That was a torture. The toilet has never felt so safe and relieved before. I want to actually thank my bestbest friend, Zimah from the bottom of my heart for washing me up, running to and fro to get me clean clothes, toiletries and just being there. She is by no doubt a friend I honestly love. It touches me alot how she actually wouldnt mind doing a dirty job like that, Allah bless her.And Mega and Anwar for the efficient planning in getting a way to the toilet with not much crowd hahah they were so cute please, I thank Mega for having extra clothes in his army bag and Anwar for getting me an orange juice so just to make me feel better. I thank Allah for this awesome friends.

After the whole thing, of cos I was the "bahan" ahahah we made a huge joke out of this but I guess this incident bonded us closer. Much much closer. I love them alot.In their eyes now I am probably this typical girly girly girl who goes on rollercoasters and puke in the middle of the rides and you know what? I am actually okay with that. Because thats what I am. I am not tough at all and they definitely accepted that.

Hahahahaha and I actually thought USS was a good place to date!

Do you think its possible to feel okay again? That there is someone real? Days like these,  I really really miss you alot. 3 am thoughts are never good.

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM GUYSSS.

 

 You know when I was young,  I think I almost died from asthma. I was only three and ma would say I look scarier than a living skeleton. My skin was scaly dry, my eyes were bloodshot red and ma compared my hair to a broom. They were horribly dry and dead.  I remember how afraid I was to open the refrigerator because I wasnt even allowed to eat or drink anything that was cold. My maid got a good hearing from my mom after she found out that I had cold plain water. Pa would piggyback me to the doctor everytime I had an attack and I think I visited the doctor more than I get to play in the playground. I dont remember crying in pain when the doctor inserted some tube down my nostrils and thats when my ma knew I was a strong girl.  I think as 5 year old, my childhood memories were pretty sad. My parents brought my brother and I to Europe for a holiday but I didnt get to build a snowman. Instead I was watching them from far and indeed, another attack came. In a foreign country. Imagine my parents worst fears when my  inhaler, four layers of clothing, pills after pills werent helping. Pa kept thinking I was gonna die.  Hahha I didnt ask my parents what happen after that or what made my attack stopped but everytime they tell me this story, I would laugh and say "Look at how healthy and fat I am now...and why did you bring me to a cold country knowing I had an asthma!?"  

Okay that was abit of a sidetrack but well this post is actually for my ma.  

God I love her alot. I think I am a replica of her. She is by no doubt the strongest woman Ive met not that I am saying this because she is my mom but because of the 21 long freaking hours she endured while giving birth to Hakim. Because of the cesarean operation she had to go through just because I refuse to go out. Because of the crazy redundant arguments the family had and she always played the middleman. Because she would skip a night sleeping just to watch us sleep everytime we're sick  And I thought she wouldnt have to go through such burden anymore. But  I was wrong. After she gave birth to Hakim, for some reason her asthma triggered and mine eventually stopped. Till now. And as a 10 year old, I think I was really naive and I actually once thought my ma was allergic to ME. Every time Im around her, she's always coughing and when Im not, she's perfectly fine. I would secretly check on her every night to see if she was breathing and that was the fear I was living as a child who was so afraid to lose her mother and I guess that fear never really  disappear. I am 20 and I am still very afraid. I still cling on to the habit of checking if she's still breathing every now and then. We all get it now Ma. It seems like a yearly affair that you always have to be admitted to the hospital but I will never get used to seeing you stuck in that kind of depressing place. That day Pa made it worst. Everyone else was working and schooling and I was alone to accompany her and for some reason Pa called to check on us and with a quiver in his voice, he started tearing. I became so scared because that was a first. Pa rarely cry and when he did, I knew we are all in love with each other.  I dont wish to lose her but this is a harsh truth, we all will. Alhamdullilah she is fine now, its getting predictable how the whole cycle will be but insyallah, I know she is a strong woman and she will fight till the end. 

Allah bless my family. Amin.

This songs always makes feel like I am a hot sexy baker who owns my own bakery shop in the heart of Paris, wearing a flowery dress riding a bicycle delivering baguettes around the neighbourhood. HAHAH but really Rachael, I cant wait to see you next month!

It was a good weekend spent with an awesome bunch. Friday night was with Amy playing Kinect. It was halal dancing though I think watching me dance in sinful enough cos im awesome like that hahaha. PlayNation offers variety of games to choose from. I think for a second both of us were acting like happy 10 year old goobers. Its a good place to bond with friends..with dates and even  with family. I am actually thinking of dragging my parents there or even better, get a Kinect next month.  On Saturday after kickboxing, it was a successful reunion dinner planned by Yours Truly and Hazimah. You guys should really try the seafood near the pond at the town park. Not that I get any commission or a free crab for saying this but its really finger licking good especially the cereal prawns....then again maybe we were just hungry. I love everything about that night. I love how perfect the weather was. I love looking at how in love my girlfriends were. I love watching people hold hands. It makes me feel in love actually hoho. I love the expression both me and Hazimah made when we were crossing that 'love bridge' together. I love how everybody actually sacrifice abit of their time for this dinner. I love my friends. Alot.  I enjoy seeing new faces. It was nice meeting Anwar and Iqah's date though I feel I should have made them feel more welcome. I am actually happy seeing how my friends are dating. Sunday was spent with the same bunch again this time with the highly known egoistic Nabil who surprisingly enjoys getting negative remark cos it boost his ego more as he claims zzzz. I guess people who never change at all makes you  reflect upon yourself on who really were last time. Yesterday hanging out with them actually made me feel like I was back being 16, with black shoes and that stupid ugly green tie, walking around the whole school acting like some bigshot councillor. & why wasnt I cool? I know this kind of days will not come often but we should do this again.

HOW DOES ONE LOOK FORWARD TO THE WEEK? I NEED A DAMN MOTIVATION.

LIKE SEXYYYYY ONLY.

" I guess I am also pretty ambivalent towards life. I don't really hate it. For now it feels like  some sort of transition, though, I don't feel like I'm really existing as something right now. I'm on my way to doing this to doing that, and on my way to become that, nothing in my life is in terms of the now. It's all in terms of later. It makes me feel...rootless. Anchorless. Do you know what I mean?"

I would like to go Ikea for a date. Or play the arcade. Or go to Little India and watch me thread hahah. Or go to a musuem and just stare at a piece even if we both cant depict it. I dont want a classic date of watching a movie and have dinner and sit infront of you pretending to be cool when my tummy feels like a garden surrounded by gazillions of butterflies. I like action. I am  traditional so of cos he should pay for EVERYTHING hahahaha k inside joke. Hmm...suddenly I feel so brave to try something new this time! Heh heh. Its been a promising week. Things didnt work out well today but HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS.  I have lots of things to look forward this week! Kinect with the girls, im gonna dance the halal way hahah andddddddddd KICKBOXING! :DD ( so boys...dont pray pray hor!)

I just need a little break from you today. 

/div

I think the amount of trust my parents have on me is so insanely huge that if I ever misuse them someday, I, Siti Hajjar Nasli, DESERVE to be disown. My parents are like my bestfriend sometimes. We will sit and talk till the wee hours of morning and they will just listen. Allah is fair. He made this awesome ears for me so that I can listen to others but He made an even awesome ears for my parents so that THEY would listen to me. It's hard to find friends who would willingly listen to you not that there isnt any, but my Pa's ears are special, really. He can be annoying but everytime he comes in to my room, ask me hows my day at work how I am feeling  hows the outing with the girls blablabla, those are probably the most sincere things a father would ask. Its no  longer that responsibility feeling that "Oh I have to listen to her because she is my daughter but more of a "I want to listen to her so that I can understand and put myself in her shoes".  Its a blessing I swear to be honest with them even if the least unimpressive thing to tell.KIDS, LISTEN TO KAK JAR. JUST BE HONEST. Like telling them how most of my friends smoke and I am left to inhale every single bit of nicotine and instead of judging me like "No you shouldnt hang out with them anymore they are a bad influence they will make you smoke" they went all soft on me and told me to just adapt to it. Most of my girls are drinkers. And my parents are fully aware of that. Most parents I know wouldnt allow their children to mix with such a potentially bad influence. I am contented that they are never judgemental about my group of friends I hanged out with. I could be a drinker if I wanted. But I think my parents raised me up well enough to know religiously if that is right or wrong, no offence to anyone.

So this morning I came home I told ma how we bunked in into some chapalang room  last night and the girls drank blablabla and she just listen. Then she left the room with no questions asked and in my heart I am like "Why didnt she ask if I drink, I am surrounded in a room of 8 girls who are all drunk and she never bother to ask me if I drank???" But I think the answers are pretty obvious. That amount of trust they had over me is crazy sometimes. I seriously deserve to be disown if I misuse this trust. It's like a freaking power brought down to you, and  its better than KICK-ASS HAHA. K side track skjp but really I have them to thank for my strong iman, man! Good job in raising me up chehh hahaha goodnight,  WHY DO I HAVE WORK TOMORROW!

Sometimes I feel like I live to impress others and the fact that it is tiring to shut the normal you and be somebody else, just to fit in. Is that being hypocrite? Do people who have different personalities, all hypocritical? Like you know if you are with this clique and you shdnt do blablabla and be blablabla and if you are with another clique you should be this and not be that? There are many sides to a person and I think I revealed too much of mine to people. It scares me sometimes when my friends would go " Woah I have never seen this side of you Jar" because people would start judging me and honestly, I am afraid to be judged. Judging me is like telling myself that I shouldnt be the way I am just because you dont like it. Sadly I think, most of the time, I am really living to impress others so that they can see me being a part of them. I realised  I want to be part of something/someone desperately these days.

I think I care about what people think of me too much that it messes up my mind sometimes and the next thing I know, I am involved in doing something that I am obviously not comfortable with. Yesterday I was told off by a dear friend to stop being too nice, to stop this giving in shit and be firm. And that if I wasnt comfortable in doing this, I should walked out and leave. But I was caught in between going home feeling relieved but guilty and  not disappointing a bunch of friends who have stayed me with me all this years and thinking that staying the next few hours wont probably do much harm. Yesterday was by far one of the craziest nights I had. And just being there, being a part of everything, I will forever hold on to this humongously enormous pang of guilt in me.

Forgive me for I have really really sinned, Allah. How can anyone not be scared of You, The Almighty?

People should stop coming in and out of my life as and when they wish. Incase you forget, I have a heart. And heart have feelings.

I AM TELLING YOU, BLOGGING IS ONE HELLUVA SKILL. I THINK I JUST SPENT AN HOUR THINKING HOW TO START THIS ENTRY, REALLY. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

At the stroke of midnight, I was stuck in an insane mad super crazy traffic jam at ECP totally oblivious to the fact that perhaps the whole nation had the same plan as us. To watch fireworks while driving at the highway zzz. But it was indeed memorable celebrating it with this bunch of guys who talks nonstop about NS, NS, NS which leaves a lonely me to just listen. Nevertheless, good company, good start.  

What can I say about 2011? It was THE year. It wasnt smooth but it was predictable and..safe. It didnt went exceptionally well but neither was it that bad. I actually kinda like how the year went. It was definitely bitter sweet. I got my braces removed and I can remember how hard it was letting go of that identity but I got over it fast although after awhile  I got sad again cos people said I look better with braces hahah. I managed to clear through my 3year course and got myself a diploma and I think that was by far the biggest highlight. I will perhaps miss late night studying at Mcafe with the girls, lonely library dates and hardcore exam schedules. My GPA wasnt that bad but it didnt qualify me to enter a local uni...so getting a degree shall be a 2012 plan haha. I met a really awesome guy, got myself in and out of a relationship ( again zzz) and got my heart broken (again zzz) hahaha but I think thats the bravest thing anyone could do, right? To take a risk,just go with it and not have regrets.   We obviously know things were going so fast and nobody was stopping us except...the future. At some point in time, someone will stop trying. I think 2011 made me think. Like really really think. How sure are you that anyone is gonna stay, forever?  Stop it with all the " You just know it" cos I definitely dont. The future is so uncertain and scary. For what it's worth, it was really awesome while it lasted, really. After graduation, I did lots of part time jobs, made lots of friends. After which, I finally got myself a proper job ( that I am not entirely happy with ..yet but insyallah) and the last 5 months here has been awesome. This job open my eyes to the real world. I have to constantly remind myself sometimes that I am no longer a kid anymore and I cannot be playing hide and seek with my brother in the supermarket. Instead I am now in heels, attending to zillion million emails and staying up really late in the office. I guess thats what almost all 20 year olds are doing right, no? The future use to freak me out alot like bigtime, I remember not knowing where to go, what to do, which is the right thing to do but I guess slowly as I grow, the answers slowly came. It may take a long time to reach there,  but I know someday this is gonna be worth it. 2011 was awesome. I dont think I have any regrets about how crazy the journey was but I am looking forward to 2012. 

I dont live to regret so whatever happens in 2012, I will welcome with open arms. Lets be care free, care less and live life to the fullest. Amin.

Its coming to 5 years, probably the longest thing that has stayed with me. Its a shame to let this go. Give me time. Slowly but surely, I'll update and I am excited! So...welcome back!

Wow. Its so hard to start a decent entry without cracking my head too much. What have I become, really?

Lalalalalala-life is wonderful.

Im 20 and Im too tired to blog already.

For some reason, I have a damn good feeling about how awesome November's gonna be.

OH YES, FOLLOW ME ON MY NEW TUMBLR LINK

poppiesinflanderfields.tumblr.com

Bloody excited for this week. Gym. Pay day. And a well deserved getaway plus retail therapy hehehehe. 

You know those conversations you had as a teenager when you would predict with your friends who would get married fast? I guess this is it. One down, many many more to go.  Okay no, she didnt get married, just an engagement but it was somehow a reality call. I wish all the best for this lovely couple. Save the serious stuff for later cos I still want to play hide and seek in the supermarket.

I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.

GUESS WHO'S BACK. I dont know what I would do without her, really.



It definitely wasnt an ordinary Sunday. It was the first time I sat on an ambulance. It was prolly the first time I saw a dead body being pushed infront of me. It was also the first time I had this crazy thought lingering on my mind, what if Allah decides to take her away.  I dont know how the nurses and doctors do it but the hospital is one hell of a depressing place.

Today, Ma asked me hows everything. As in everything, from work, to has the house been clean, what are we having for dinner and such. Its been tiring on my part, I honestly dont know how she does it. Well things are fine, but definitely different without her around. I could probably feel my heart sinking as she said " Well thats how you are all gonna be..if im not here anymore"

Face it, we are all gonna hit with this harsh truth that one day, we are going to lose our mothers. Its just a matter of time. And... I am just not ready to face that yet. Not now. Not anytime.

Ya Allah, I leave everything to You.

A colleague : Jar you are such a happy girl, always smiling. Are you like never sad? Like a broken heart or something?

Oh, dont get me started, really.

I think its very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.

Like I think I've found myself a new bestfriend- ME.

Be facebook and ask me whats on my mind. I'll tell you I miss Ramadhan so badly. The unity, rushing to the mosque, sigh whatever happen to all of that. I wish time would just stop. Its going way too fast sometimes I cant remember what month we are in already. Its scary, this whole growing up thing. I guess thats what life is all about. It keeps moving forward no matter how you much you tried running back. Spending too much time with colleagues who are well married WITH kids its no wonder my ma thinks I am slowly becoming a makcik to be. Guess what we talked about during lunch time? Gold, beras naik harga, coach bags ada offer and suami I tak suka makan blablablaba. But I guess I am thankful to have such nice colleagues who treats me like a baby cos well afterall...I am the baby of the company. I feel so young at work,serious.

When I was 18, I told Ma' I wanna get an LV wallet on my first pay' hahah but I guess when we grow old....and wiser we tend to know which are things we really need. LV wallet aside, I guess I am saving for a spontaneous trip with cousin next month. Alhamdullilah, I can never thank You for blessing me with a life like this.

I think I am actually enjoying the space here so dont suffocate me like this.

                                                

Leaving house only at 7pm. Squeezing 8 people in a five seater car. Covered 4 houses in 4 hours. I realised the older we get, the lesser houses we visit. I guess everyone's aging hoho. Now to think of it, how in the world were we able to cover 9-10 houses in a day? Next day boleh all out again pulak tu. Sighs I dont know if I am the only one facing this adulthood crisis :/ I dont want to grow up so fast.

Learn that some things happen for a reason please Hajjar. Sometimes God take away something from us and give us something better in return. Alhamdullilah, I am actually enjoying this. Its a new journey for me but I hope it will be a smooth road throughout. Well what have I been busy with? Work. Family. Friends. And Hari Raya of course. Its been an awesome celebration so far heh heh masih dapat duit youssss. 9-5 makes me sleepy so Im gonna head to bed now. Nights.

I am so sad Ramadhan is leaving me and for some reason I feel this month has beeen one of the best months I have been through. Ya Allah, I hope you will still guide me to the right path.

Well Syawal is here, lets embrace this. Selamat Hari Raya to all my family, friends and seluruh umat islam. Mohon maaf kalau Hajjar ada tersilap bahasa atau tercakap salah sampai tersinggung perasaan. I know I can be blunt like that but tak sengaja.
There are prolly some people that I really wish I could seek for forgiveness face to face but well.. maybe the time is not right yet so tolong maafkan salah silap Hajjar. May this month bring you happiness and have a good Syawal with your loved ones. <3