You know when I was young,  I think I almost died from asthma. I was only three and ma would say I look scarier than a living skeleton. My skin was scaly dry, my eyes were bloodshot red and ma compared my hair to a broom. They were horribly dry and dead.  I remember how afraid I was to open the refrigerator because I wasnt even allowed to eat or drink anything that was cold. My maid got a good hearing from my mom after she found out that I had cold plain water. Pa would piggyback me to the doctor everytime I had an attack and I think I visited the doctor more than I get to play in the playground. I dont remember crying in pain when the doctor inserted some tube down my nostrils and thats when my ma knew I was a strong girl.  I think as 5 year old, my childhood memories were pretty sad. My parents brought my brother and I to Europe for a holiday but I didnt get to build a snowman. Instead I was watching them from far and indeed, another attack came. In a foreign country. Imagine my parents worst fears when my  inhaler, four layers of clothing, pills after pills werent helping. Pa kept thinking I was gonna die.  Hahha I didnt ask my parents what happen after that or what made my attack stopped but everytime they tell me this story, I would laugh and say "Look at how healthy and fat I am now...and why did you bring me to a cold country knowing I had an asthma!?"  

Okay that was abit of a sidetrack but well this post is actually for my ma.  

God I love her alot. I think I am a replica of her. She is by no doubt the strongest woman Ive met not that I am saying this because she is my mom but because of the 21 long freaking hours she endured while giving birth to Hakim. Because of the cesarean operation she had to go through just because I refuse to go out. Because of the crazy redundant arguments the family had and she always played the middleman. Because she would skip a night sleeping just to watch us sleep everytime we're sick  And I thought she wouldnt have to go through such burden anymore. But  I was wrong. After she gave birth to Hakim, for some reason her asthma triggered and mine eventually stopped. Till now. And as a 10 year old, I think I was really naive and I actually once thought my ma was allergic to ME. Every time Im around her, she's always coughing and when Im not, she's perfectly fine. I would secretly check on her every night to see if she was breathing and that was the fear I was living as a child who was so afraid to lose her mother and I guess that fear never really  disappear. I am 20 and I am still very afraid. I still cling on to the habit of checking if she's still breathing every now and then. We all get it now Ma. It seems like a yearly affair that you always have to be admitted to the hospital but I will never get used to seeing you stuck in that kind of depressing place. That day Pa made it worst. Everyone else was working and schooling and I was alone to accompany her and for some reason Pa called to check on us and with a quiver in his voice, he started tearing. I became so scared because that was a first. Pa rarely cry and when he did, I knew we are all in love with each other.  I dont wish to lose her but this is a harsh truth, we all will. Alhamdullilah she is fine now, its getting predictable how the whole cycle will be but insyallah, I know she is a strong woman and she will fight till the end. 

Allah bless my family. Amin.