WHATS THE STORY?

2012-01-24T03:14:00.000+08:00

Do you think its possible to feel okay again? That there is someone real? Days like these, I really really miss you alot. 3 am thoughts are never good.

2012-01-21T17:06:00.001+08:00

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM GUYSSS.

2012-01-21T16:56:00.000+08:00

You know when I was young, I think I almost died from asthma. I was only three and ma would say I look scarier than a living skeleton. My skin was scaly dry, my eyes were bloodshot red and ma compared my hair to a broom. They were horribly dry and dead. I remember how afraid I was to open the refrigerator because I wasnt even allowed to eat or drink anything that was cold. My maid got a good hearing from my mom after she found out that I had cold plain water. Pa would piggyback me to the doctor everytime I had an attack and I think I visited the doctor more than I get to play in the playground. I dont remember crying in pain when the doctor inserted some tube down my nostrils and thats when my ma knew I was a strong girl. I think as 5 year old, my childhood memories were pretty sad. My parents brought my brother and I to Europe for a holiday but I didnt get to build a snowman. Instead I was watching them from far and indeed, another attack came. In a foreign country. Imagine my parents worst fears when my inhaler, four layers of clothing, pills after pills werent helping. Pa kept thinking I was gonna die. Hahha I didnt ask my parents what happen after that or what made my attack stopped but everytime they tell me this story, I would laugh and say "Look at how healthy and fat I am now...and why did you bring me to a cold country knowing I had an asthma!?"

Okay that was abit of a sidetrack but well this post is actually for my ma.

God I love her alot. I think I am a replica of her. She is by no doubt the strongest woman Ive met not that I am saying this because she is my mom but because of the 21 long freaking hours she endured while giving birth to Hakim. Because of the cesarean operation she had to go through just because I refuse to go out. Because of the crazy redundant arguments the family had and she always played the middleman. Because she would skip a night sleeping just to watch us sleep everytime we're sick And I thought she wouldnt have to go through such burden anymore. But I was wrong. After she gave birth to Hakim, for some reason her asthma triggered and mine eventually stopped. Till now. And as a 10 year old, I think I was really naive and I actually once thought my ma was allergic to ME. Every time Im around her, she's always coughing and when Im not, she's perfectly fine. I would secretly check on her every night to see if she was breathing and that was the fear I was living as a child who was so afraid to lose her mother and I guess that fear never really disappear. I am 20 and I am still very afraid. I still cling on to the habit of checking if she's still breathing every now and then. We all get it now Ma. It seems like a yearly affair that you always have to be admitted to the hospital but I will never get used to seeing you stuck in that kind of depressing place. That day Pa made it worst. Everyone else was working and schooling and I was alone to accompany her and for some reason Pa called to check on us and with a quiver in his voice, he started tearing. I became so scared because that was a first. Pa rarely cry and when he did, I knew we are all in love with each other. I dont wish to lose her but this is a harsh truth, we all will. Alhamdullilah she is fine now, its getting predictable how the whole cycle will be but insyallah, I know she is a strong woman and she will fight till the end.

Allah bless my family. Amin.

2012-01-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

This songs always makes feel like I am a hot sexy baker who owns my own bakery shop in the heart of Paris, wearing a flowery dress riding a bicycle delivering baguettes around the neighbourhood. HAHAH but really Rachael, I cant wait to see you next month!

It was a good weekend spent with an awesome bunch. Friday night was with Amy playing Kinect. It was halal dancing though I think watching me dance in sinful enough cos im awesome like that hahaha. PlayNation offers variety of games to choose from. I think for a second both of us were acting like happy 10 year old goobers. Its a good place to bond with friends..with dates and even with family. I am actually thinking of dragging my parents there or even better, get a Kinect next month. On Saturday after kickboxing, it was a successful reunion dinner planned by Yours Truly and Hazimah. You guys should really try the seafood near the pond at the town park. Not that I get any commission or a free crab for saying this but its really finger licking good especially the cereal prawns....then again maybe we were just hungry. I love everything about that night. I love how perfect the weather was. I love looking at how in love my girlfriends were. I love watching people hold hands. It makes me feel in love actually hoho. I love the expression both me and Hazimah made when we were crossing that 'love bridge' together. I love how everybody actually sacrifice abit of their time for this dinner. I love my friends. Alot. I enjoy seeing new faces. It was nice meeting Anwar and Iqah's date though I feel I should have made them feel more welcome. I am actually happy seeing how my friends are dating. Sunday was spent with the same bunch again this time with the highly known egoistic Nabil who surprisingly enjoys getting negative remark cos it boost his ego more as he claims zzzz. I guess people who never change at all makes you reflect upon yourself on who really were last time. Yesterday hanging out with them actually made me feel like I was back being 16, with black shoes and that stupid ugly green tie, walking around the whole school acting like some bigshot councillor. & why wasnt I cool? I know this kind of days will not come often but we should do this again.

HOW DOES ONE LOOK FORWARD TO THE WEEK? I NEED A DAMN MOTIVATION.

2012-01-14T13:30:00.000+08:00

LIKE SEXYYYYY ONLY.

2012-01-11T21:17:00.000+08:00

" I guess I am also pretty ambivalent towards life. I don't really hate it. For now it feels like some sort of transition, though, I don't feel like I'm really existing as something right now. I'm on my way to doing this to doing that, and on my way to become that, nothing in my life is in terms of the now. It's all in terms of later. It makes me feel...rootless. Anchorless. Do you know what I mean?"

2012-01-10T21:32:00.002+08:00

I would like to go Ikea for a date. Or play the arcade. Or go to Little India and watch me thread hahah. Or go to a musuem and just stare at a piece even if we both cant depict it. I dont want a classic date of watching a movie and have dinner and sit infront of you pretending to be cool when my tummy feels like a garden surrounded by gazillions of butterflies. I like action. I am traditional so of cos he should pay for EVERYTHING hahahaha k inside joke. Hmm...suddenly I feel so brave to try something new this time! Heh heh. Its been a promising week. Things didnt work out well today but HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS. I have lots of things to look forward this week! Kinect with the girls, im gonna dance the halal way hahah andddddddddd KICKBOXING! :DD ( so boys...dont pray pray hor!)

I just need a little break from you today.

/div

2012-01-08T23:35:00.001+08:00

I think the amount of trust my parents have on me is so insanely huge that if I ever misuse them someday, I, Siti Hajjar Nasli, DESERVE to be disown. My parents are like my bestfriend sometimes. We will sit and talk till the wee hours of morning and they will just listen. Allah is fair. He made this awesome ears for me so that I can listen to others but He made an even awesome ears for my parents so that THEY would listen to me. It's hard to find friends who would willingly listen to you not that there isnt any, but my Pa's ears are special, really. He can be annoying but everytime he comes in to my room, ask me hows my day at work how I am feeling hows the outing with the girls blablabla, those are probably the most sincere things a father would ask. Its no longer that responsibility feeling that "Oh I have to listen to her because she is my daughter but more of a "I want to listen to her so that I can understand and put myself in her shoes". Its a blessing I swear to be honest with them even if the least unimpressive thing to tell.KIDS, LISTEN TO KAK JAR. JUST BE HONEST. Like telling them how most of my friends smoke and I am left to inhale every single bit of nicotine and instead of judging me like "No you shouldnt hang out with them anymore they are a bad influence they will make you smoke" they went all soft on me and told me to just adapt to it. Most of my girls are drinkers. And my parents are fully aware of that. Most parents I know wouldnt allow their children to mix with such a potentially bad influence. I am contented that they are never judgemental about my group of friends I hanged out with. I could be a drinker if I wanted. But I think my parents raised me up well enough to know religiously if that is right or wrong, no offence to anyone.

So this morning I came home I told ma how we bunked in into some chapalang room last night and the girls drank blablabla and she just listen. Then she left the room with no questions asked and in my heart I am like "Why didnt she ask if I drink, I am surrounded in a room of 8 girls who are all drunk and she never bother to ask me if I drank???" But I think the answers are pretty obvious. That amount of trust they had over me is crazy sometimes. I seriously deserve to be disown if I misuse this trust. It's like a freaking power brought down to you, and its better than KICK-ASS HAHA. K side track skjp but really I have them to thank for my strong iman, man! Good job in raising me up chehh hahaha goodnight, WHY DO I HAVE WORK TOMORROW!

2012-01-08T16:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel like I live to impress others and the fact that it is tiring to shut the normal you and be somebody else, just to fit in. Is that being hypocrite? Do people who have different personalities, all hypocritical? Like you know if you are with this clique and you shdnt do blablabla and be blablabla and if you are with another clique you should be this and not be that? There are many sides to a person and I think I revealed too much of mine to people. It scares me sometimes when my friends would go " Woah I have never seen this side of you Jar" because people would start judging me and honestly, I am afraid to be judged. Judging me is like telling myself that I shouldnt be the way I am just because you dont like it. Sadly I think, most of the time, I am really living to impress others so that they can see me being a part of them. I realised I want to be part of something/someone desperately these days.

I think I care about what people think of me too much that it messes up my mind sometimes and the next thing I know, I am involved in doing something that I am obviously not comfortable with. Yesterday I was told off by a dear friend to stop being too nice, to stop this giving in shit and be firm. And that if I wasnt comfortable in doing this, I should walked out and leave. But I was caught in between going home feeling relieved but guilty and not disappointing a bunch of friends who have stayed me with me all this years and thinking that staying the next few hours wont probably do much harm. Yesterday was by far one of the craziest nights I had. And just being there, being a part of everything, I will forever hold on to this humongously enormous pang of guilt in me.

Forgive me for I have really really sinned, Allah. How can anyone not be scared of You, The Almighty?

2012-01-05T23:05:00.000+08:00

People should stop coming in and out of my life as and when they wish. Incase you forget, I have a heart. And heart have feelings.

2012-01-01T17:09:00.000+08:00

I AM TELLING YOU, BLOGGING IS ONE HELLUVA SKILL. I THINK I JUST SPENT AN HOUR THINKING HOW TO START THIS ENTRY, REALLY.

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

At the stroke of midnight, I was stuck in an insane mad super crazy traffic jam at ECP totally oblivious to the fact that perhaps the whole nation had the same plan as us. To watch fireworks while driving at the highway zzz. But it was indeed memorable celebrating it with this bunch of guys who talks nonstop about NS, NS, NS which leaves a lonely me to just listen. Nevertheless, good company, good start.

What can I say about 2011? It was THE year. It wasnt smooth but it was predictable and..safe. It didnt went exceptionally well but neither was it that bad. I actually kinda like how the year went. It was definitely bitter sweet. I got my braces removed and I can remember how hard it was letting go of that identity but I got over it fast although after awhile I got sad again cos people said I look better with braces hahah. I managed to clear through my 3year course and got myself a diploma and I think that was by far the biggest highlight. I will perhaps miss late night studying at Mcafe with the girls, lonely library dates and hardcore exam schedules. My GPA wasnt that bad but it didnt qualify me to enter a local uni...so getting a degree shall be a 2012 plan haha. I met a really awesome guy, got myself in and out of a relationship ( again zzz) and got my heart broken (again zzz) hahaha but I think thats the bravest thing anyone could do, right? To take a risk,just go with it and not have regrets. We obviously know things were going so fast and nobody was stopping us except...the future. At some point in time, someone will stop trying. I think 2011 made me think. Like really really think. How sure are you that anyone is gonna stay, forever? Stop it with all the " You just know it" cos I definitely dont. The future is so uncertain and scary. For what it's worth, it was really awesome while it lasted, really. After graduation, I did lots of part time jobs, made lots of friends. After which, I finally got myself a proper job ( that I am not entirely happy with ..yet but insyallah) and the last 5 months here has been awesome. This job open my eyes to the real world. I have to constantly remind myself sometimes that I am no longer a kid anymore and I cannot be playing hide and seek with my brother in the supermarket. Instead I am now in heels, attending to zillion million emails and staying up really late in the office. I guess thats what almost all 20 year olds are doing right, no? The future use to freak me out alot like bigtime, I remember not knowing where to go, what to do, which is the right thing to do but I guess slowly as I grow, the answers slowly came. It may take a long time to reach there, but I know someday this is gonna be worth it. 2011 was awesome. I dont think I have any regrets about how crazy the journey was but I am looking forward to 2012.

I dont live to regret so whatever happens in 2012, I will welcome with open arms. Lets be care free, care less and live life to the fullest. Amin.

2011-12-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

Its coming to 5 years, probably the longest thing that has stayed with me. Its a shame to let this go. Give me time. Slowly but surely, I'll update and I am excited! So...welcome back!

2011-11-20T18:13:00.000+08:00

Wow. Its so hard to start a decent entry without cracking my head too much. What have I become, really?

2011-11-18T23:57:00.000+08:00

Lalalalalala-life is wonderful.

2011-11-15T20:45:00.000+08:00

Im 20 and Im too tired to blog already.

2011-11-05T21:38:00.000+08:00

For some reason, I have a damn good feeling about how awesome November's gonna be.

OH YES, FOLLOW ME ON MY NEW TUMBLR LINK

poppiesinflanderfields.tumblr.com

2011-10-23T22:01:00.000+08:00

Bloody excited for this week. Gym. Pay day. And a well deserved getaway plus retail therapy hehehehe.

2011-10-23T21:56:00.000+08:00

You know those conversations you had as a teenager when you would predict with your friends who would get married fast? I guess this is it. One down, many many more to go. Okay no, she didnt get married, just an engagement but it was somehow a reality call. I wish all the best for this lovely couple. Save the serious stuff for later cos I still want to play hide and seek in the supermarket.

2011-10-17T00:07:00.000+08:00

I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.

2011-10-13T21:19:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHO'S BACK. I dont know what I would do without her, really.

2011-10-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

It definitely wasnt an ordinary Sunday. It was the first time I sat on an ambulance. It was prolly the first time I saw a dead body being pushed infront of me. It was also the first time I had this crazy thought lingering on my mind, what if Allah decides to take her away. I dont know how the nurses and doctors do it but the hospital is one hell of a depressing place.

Today, Ma asked me hows everything. As in everything, from work, to has the house been clean, what are we having for dinner and such. Its been tiring on my part, I honestly dont know how she does it. Well things are fine, but definitely different without her around. I could probably feel my heart sinking as she said " Well thats how you are all gonna be..if im not here anymore"

Face it, we are all gonna hit with this harsh truth that one day, we are going to lose our mothers. Its just a matter of time. And... I am just not ready to face that yet. Not now. Not anytime.

Ya Allah, I leave everything to You.

2011-10-08T03:45:00.000+08:00

A colleague : Jar you are such a happy girl, always smiling. Are you like never sad? Like a broken heart or something?

Oh, dont get me started, really.

2011-10-02T02:03:00.000+08:00

I think its very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.

Like I think I've found myself a new bestfriend- ME.

2011-09-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

Be facebook and ask me whats on my mind. I'll tell you I miss Ramadhan so badly. The unity, rushing to the mosque, sigh whatever happen to all of that. I wish time would just stop. Its going way too fast sometimes I cant remember what month we are in already. Its scary, this whole growing up thing. I guess thats what life is all about. It keeps moving forward no matter how you much you tried running back. Spending too much time with colleagues who are well married WITH kids its no wonder my ma thinks I am slowly becoming a makcik to be. Guess what we talked about during lunch time? Gold, beras naik harga, coach bags ada offer and suami I tak suka makan blablablaba. But I guess I am thankful to have such nice colleagues who treats me like a baby cos well afterall...I am the baby of the company. I feel so young at work,serious.

When I was 18, I told Ma' I wanna get an LV wallet on my first pay' hahah but I guess when we grow old....and wiser we tend to know which are things we really need. LV wallet aside, I guess I am saving for a spontaneous trip with cousin next month. Alhamdullilah, I can never thank You for blessing me with a life like this.

2011-09-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

I think I am actually enjoying the space here so dont suffocate me like this.

2011-09-18T13:54:00.000+08:00

Leaving house only at 7pm. Squeezing 8 people in a five seater car. Covered 4 houses in 4 hours. I realised the older we get, the lesser houses we visit. I guess everyone's aging hoho. Now to think of it, how in the world were we able to cover 9-10 houses in a day? Next day boleh all out again pulak tu. Sighs I dont know if I am the only one facing this adulthood crisis :/ I dont want to grow up so fast.

2011-09-09T20:03:00.001+08:00

2011-09-06T23:20:00.001+08:00

Learn that some things happen for a reason please Hajjar. Sometimes God take away something from us and give us something better in return. Alhamdullilah, I am actually enjoying this. Its a new journey for me but I hope it will be a smooth road throughout. Well what have I been busy with? Work. Family. Friends. And Hari Raya of course. Its been an awesome celebration so far heh heh masih dapat duit youssss. 9-5 makes me sleepy so Im gonna head to bed now. Nights.

2011-08-30T13:21:00.000+08:00

I am so sad Ramadhan is leaving me and for some reason I feel this month has beeen one of the best months I have been through. Ya Allah, I hope you will still guide me to the right path.

Well Syawal is here, lets embrace this. Selamat Hari Raya to all my family, friends and seluruh umat islam. Mohon maaf kalau Hajjar ada tersilap bahasa atau tercakap salah sampai tersinggung perasaan. I know I can be blunt like that but tak sengaja.
There are prolly some people that I really wish I could seek for forgiveness face to face but well.. maybe the time is not right yet so tolong maafkan salah silap Hajjar. May this month bring you happiness and have a good Syawal with your loved ones. <3

2011-08-26T01:26:00.000+08:00

Sighs. I wonder if I am the only one not entirely excited for Hari Raya and prolly wish Ramadhan would last longer. I feel that as I grew up, Ramadhan becomes more than just a fasting month or a big food festival. Like the past few years, honestly I wasnt really embracing Ramadhan and I would wake up at 3 in the afternoon everyday, laze around in my bed the whole day and I prolly went terawih because well.. everyone else was going too.

Alhamdullilah this year, Allah opened my heart and let me see and feel the beauty of this month. There's never a place I felt so right than the mosque and its magical what this place does to you, really. Life hasnt been entirely smooth but you know what they say, if He delays, He is increasing your patience, if He doesnt answer, He's preparing the best for you and if He answers your prayer, Allah is increasing your faith. I dont like my life right now but like what Ma always say, "He has better plans for you Hajjar, keep praying. " Insyallah. Well on a good note, I got myself a job, something related to my course, somewhere I hope I'll be happy at. I am pretty excitedddddddd.

Anyway, I love the colour of my baju kurung this year. I dont know if its me or its turqoise the colour of the year but yeah, I hope my family will look good in it. And did I mention I painted my room turqoise last week, all by myself ( okay ah no ma sibuk2 abit ) but its awesome waking up feeling like I am in Bahamas Beach hahah cos of the oceanic walls and my white curtains and the breeze haha. Its 1.30am goodness sake I should start learning to sleep early kakak kakak office already lei!

ps: o0o its been a year.

2011-08-23T00:40:00.000+08:00

I wish I had a sister. I have awesome brothers but someone who listens, who tells me what I should wear for a date, who stands up for me, I think that'll be nice. Then again, I am already blessed with a circle of girlfriends who does all that..so nah I changed my mind, I dont think I need a sister. Girls, just stay.

2011-08-21T01:16:00.002+08:00

It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more.

2011-08-20T01:45:00.001+08:00

If being in love only made people more lonely, then why would everyone want it so much? Because of the illusion. You fall in love, its intoxicating and for a little while, you feel like you've actually become one with the other person. And you think you'll never be lonely again. But who are we kidding? Love always leave us.

Love I think.. is the opposite of fear. And to think that I could actually overcome that fear once, I feel I am pretty much a brave girl, no?

2011-08-17T16:00:00.001+08:00

Why is it that people had faith in me and I had none in myself? On a good note, Alhamdullilah I got what I wanted. Its the start of a new journey. Thank you so much Allah.

2011-08-16T23:17:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good and what is not won’t. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you must move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for. So thanks, for making me a fighter. "

2011-08-16T18:39:00.000+08:00

Please call me. That one call that will change my life.

2011-08-15T14:29:00.000+08:00

I got it all figured out. Countless times I have mentioned that I feel the future is so scary, time should just stop. I wish I could just freeze a certain moment and live this way forever. But the reason why the future is scary is the same as why we fear death. Because we know it exist, but we dont know how it's going to turn out like. And not being able to control it made it even scarier because you may be hit by a car one day and got into an accident and spend your time in a hospital thinking what if. What if I hadnt crossed that road. What if I waas 5mins late. What if the driver was driving at 80km/hr instead. The power of what if. But perhaps maybe thats what life is all about. You are meant to do a particular action but its prolly normal to not get the exact results you expected because God wants to make a lesson out of it. Life I would say.. is like a classroom. The experiences we go through, be it good or bad, are like lessons. They either make you smarter or stronger. Some way or another, I feel stronger.

Its the 15th day of Ramadhan, alhamdullilah. So many things have been happening the past few days I feel like my life's like a bullet train. It's going way too fast. Chill chill. Awesome time I had with the girls last Saturday. Celebrated dhab's birthday, finally we are eating somewhere special besides the lepak lepak drink teh tarik at Simpang/ Saffrons. But I think Ice Cube Cafe was disappointing that day, we only break fast at 8:15 cos the orders came late. Went Cash Studio , melalak for three hours followed by sahur at Spize. Reached home at such an ungodly hour I had to tiptoe my way to my room hahaha but it was a good day spent. After last night, I figured out nothing beats an awesome life without the company of crazy girlfriends. Thank you girls for holding on to your promise. They came, and they stayed. I love you.

I was never good enough.

2011-08-12T02:38:00.000+08:00

Few days ago my ma made me watch this drama shown on TV about the signs of death and honestly watching it gave me goosebumps not because death is scary but the fact that every Muslim would feel this signs and its just a matter of whether they realised it or not and that made me wonder...what will I ever do if these signs hit me one day.. knowing that my time is up soon?

"Tiap-tiap yang berjiwa akan merasakan mati (3:185)"

100 hari sebelum menjelang kematian.

Tanda ini akan berlaku lazimnya selepas waktu asar, seluruh tubuh iaitu dari ujung rambut hingga ke ujung kaki akan mengalami getaran atau seakan-akan menggigil. Tanda ini rasanya nikmat dan bagi mereka yang sadar dan berdetik dihati bahwa mungkin ini adalah tanda mati, maka getaran ini akan berhenti dan hilang setelah kita sadar akan kehadiran tanda ini. Bagi mereka yang tidak diberi atau mereka yang hanyut dengan kenikmatan tanpa memikirkan soal kematian, tanda ini akan lenyap begitu saja tanpa sembarang manfaat.Bagi yang sadar dengan kehadiran tanda ini, maka ini adalah peluang terbaik untuk memanfaatkan masa yang ada untuk mempersiapkan diri dengan amalan dan urusan yang akan dibawa atau ditinggalkan sesudah mati.

40 hari sebelum mati.

Tanda ini juga akan berlaku sesudah waktu asar, bahagian pusat kita akan berdenyut-denyut ketika ini daun yang tertulis nama kita akan gugur dari pokok yang letaknya diatas arash ALLAH SWT, maka malaikat maut akan mengambil daun tersebut dan mulai membuat persediaannya ke atas kita, antaranya ialah ia akan mulai mengikuti kita sepanjang masa. Akan terjadi malaikat maut ini memperlihatkan wajahnya sekilas lalu dan jika ini terjadi, mereka yangterpilih ini akan merasakan seakan-akan bingung seketika.

7 hari sebelum mati

Adapun tanda ini akan diberikan hanya kepada mereka yang diuji dengan musibah kesakitan dimana orang sakit yang tidak makan secara tiba-tiba ia berselera untuk makan.

3 hari sebelum mati

Pada ketika ini akan terasa denyutan di bahagian tengah dahi kita yaitu diantara dahi kanan dan kiri, jika tanda ini dapat dikesan maka berpuasalah kita selepas itu supaya perut kita tidak mengandungi banyak najis dan ini akan memudahkan urusan orang yang akan memandikan kita nanti. Ketika ini juga mata hitam kita tidak akan bersinar lagi dan bagiorang yang sakit hidungnya akan perlahan-lahan jatuh dan ini dapat dikesan jika kita melihatnya dari

bahagian sisi... Telinganya akan layu dimana bagian ujungnya akan beransur-ansur masuk ke dalam.Telapak kakinya yang terlunjur akan perlahan- lahan jatuh ke depan dan sukar ditegakan.

1 hari sebelum mati

Akan berlaku sesudah asar dimana kita akan merasakan satu denyutan di sebelah belakang yaitu di kawasan ubun-ubun dimana ini menandakan kita tidak akan sempat untuk menemui waktu asar keesokan harinya.

Masa masa akhir

Akan terjadi keadaan dimana kita akan merasakan sejuk dibahagian pusat dan rasa itu akan turun kepinggang dan seterusnya akan naik ke bahagian Halkum... Ketika ini hendaklah kita terus mengucap kalimat SYAHADAT dan berdiam diri dan menantikan kedatangan malaikat maut untuk menjemput kita kembali kepada ALLAH SWT yang telah menghidupkan kita dan sekarang akan mematikan pula.

:/ Yes life's unpredictable but sometimes I would choose to believe that we were warned. &perhaps we were just too ignorant about our surroundings.Now do you understand why the phrase " Sembahyang lah kamu sebelum kamu di sembahyangkan always scare me?"

Ya allah, show me the right path.

2011-08-11T01:38:00.002+08:00

Because for some reason, I feel God has plan something better for me.

2011-08-10T02:51:00.002+08:00

Iftar with the Usual few days ago. It didnt went as expected with girls having to wait for guys sighs what has the world turn into, thats why they always say impromptu plans are always better. Our food arrived pretty late so we ended up going to Sultan mosque to pray first . Our entrance was epic hahaha should capture the look on all our 3 faces when we entered the mosque and everyone else was breaking fast and they looked at us like we were homeless kids and the makciks all started offering us foood and we were like " tak cik tak, kita nak solat" But anyway, praying at the mosque always feels right. Especially Masjid Sultan. After buka, the girls and I headed to Geylang, the crowd was insane. Got my burger ramly, tummy happy, I also happy. Got home and my flu got really bad. My head felt heavy, my nose were running nonstop and my throat was so sore. I havent feel this sick for quite sometime so I spent the whole day sleeping really perangai babi. Sighs I remember telling someone I want to get sick so badly..now I wish I could take back those words. Allah, give me the strength.

Insyallah one day.

2011-08-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

Happy people..just what I need.<3

2011-08-09T00:55:00.000+08:00

Its like somebody just had to say something that hits righttttttttttttttttt there on that particular spot and there you go, Im broken all over again. Come on, I know I am not this sad of a person.

2011-08-04T20:46:00.005+08:00

Alhamdullilah, the holy month is here again. I think this year's abit different because I do not have to think about what modules I should study today or staying up till sahur to really burn the midnight oil . Infact the last three years, I think I have spent Ramadhan studying.. it feels weird to be so free. There's just something about Ramadhan that makes it so magical. Perhaps, its the only time my family would really sit down and eat together and Ma will always prepare something special to break fast and terawih prayers with Zimah and Nadine. I dont know if you have noticed but everytime I look at how everyone from different direction would head towards the mosque, it feels so...right. Alhamdullilah, the past 5 days I have been heading to the mosque either alone or with the girls and perangai singaporean I would want to reach early to get an aircon room hoho. I feel this is the only chance I could get myself closer to God and honestly, I am ashamed of myself for only turning to Him when I am in need. Forgive me Allah for I have sinned, alot.

2011-08-04T14:32:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wanted to ask a question but you didn’t because you knew in your heart that you wouldn’t be able to handle the answer?

2011-08-02T16:29:00.002+08:00

Why do I get so attached to people easily?

2011-08-02T16:27:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I look back and think, what will I ever be if I dont have this people around me?

2011-08-02T15:51:00.002+08:00

This is the problem with me. Sometimes when things dont go my way, I tend to shut the world off. And thats something Pa always remind me." You can run away for as far as you want, but you can never hide Hajjar. Overcome it" I think God has a funny way of showing me what I deserve to have, I rarely get. Like all the time. Its frustrating and sometimes I asked myself what did I ever do to deserve this. But perhaps, things happen for a reason. Or perhaps, somethings were never meant to be.

Okay sappy post aside. few weeks ago I celebrated a bestfriend's birthday. Went to watch Monte Carlo and had a really romantic dinner with Aishah by the bay hahaha and surprisingly food was good. Go try the Ice Cube Cafe at Esplanade, its halal and its pretty affordable. And I think that was the best buffalo wings I ever tasted...or maybe I was just hungry. Happy 20th, girlfriend! I love you.

Then a week later, I had a lingerie party with the girls. Aida set a Lingerie theme for her party and I hope she's happy that it went as planned! Its probably too explicit to show you what we were wearing but boy must I say, sexy girls around me, I think if I was a guy, this place must have been better than heaven. At 3am, all of us couldnt sleep so we took the matress out and slide it down the staircase over and over again hahaha it was awesomely fun please. Lucky for me, I didnt had work the next day so I stayed up with Dhab till checked out. It was a good celebration girls <3

2011-07-27T16:19:00.002+08:00

Did I just wasted my time?

2011-07-17T22:26:00.000+08:00

With $250.

Get an air ticket to Bangkok. A deserving dinner at a good restaurant. 3 topshop dresses. Or 5 MNG tops. Okay 10 Bugis street shirts at least. Sperry topsiders. A good room makeover. 50 Mcvalue lunch. Countless axi rides to and fro. USS for 4. Leather jacket. Dirtbike. A room at MBS. Okay no Studio M maybe. Seafood spread. Getaway to Bintan. KL also can make it. Enrol for license. Heels for raya. Top ezlink travel whole of Singapore and still have alot of balance zz. 5 yoga sessions at least. A good sports shoe. Another gucci perfume. 2 Longchamps. Movie marathon for a month.

But no.

Guess what I did with that money. I had to get a new set of retainers that I lost 5 days ago and I honestly dont understand how something that is made of plastic can cost so much. Somebody should just bang my head on the wall please! Why.am.I.so.fcuking.careless.Urgh. Dont.ask.me.out. Plus I can feel my teeth already shifting $%^&*&^%$

2011-07-08T23:52:00.003+08:00

The past few weeks has been nothing but hectic. Hands down, I am prolly the most tired person right now. Got myself an off day, made some plans and I think everything that happened yesterday was epic. From talk only no action meet at 10am and star karat made me wait till 1130 under the hot.scorching.sun to wanting to cook for me but ended up buying snacks only chehhhh cheat my feelings only, to buying a cannot-make-it $1.80 kite that flew away then we muka sardine go buy kite from a group of madrasah girls who couldnt even fly any of their kites hahaha I think yesterday was awesome, really really. It was my first time to Marina Barrage and MBS okay sorry kental but Singapore cool ah eh.

Hahahahhahaha this china man very lazy wanna fly the kite, he tied in his shoe lace. You cute ah.

Thank you! <3

2011-07-08T11:50:00.000+08:00

I would have probably reached my breaking point if I hadnt talk to someone about what I really want to do with life. I have perhaps say this a million times but the future is scary. You know.. everyone thinks its easy. That you get graduate get a job and bammmmm, your career life starts rolling. But what if you have a zillion million things you want to do and you are caught in between meeting people's expectations and doing what you are happy with. What if I am never happy with the jobs that I got.. and I'll prolly ended up job hopping my entire life? Do all these people even look forward to work everyday? What if I am doing something that I am happy but Pa would think otherwise. God knows the number of resumes I have sent, sighs fml. Life.is.definititely.not.a.game.

And dont talk about school. I have finally come to a conclusion that perhaps wanting to get into a Uni was a perfect solution to run away from getting serious with my life but who am I kidding. I wont make my parents pay for my Degree. God, give me some directions please ):

2011-07-07T01:02:00.002+08:00

Baby Im amazed by you.

2011-06-28T00:44:00.000+08:00

Its like I want this to go on... But Im just afraid. Really afraid.

2011-06-26T01:07:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Papa Achnas! You definitely deserve a better post than this but because your daughter is one hell of a workacholic and she needs to sleep because its fullshift tmr, how about I just wish you a good birthday and umm yeah, you can be really annoying sometimes but I do love you.

2011-06-25T13:32:00.000+08:00

Well what can I say? It was one hell of a good getaway. A week hopping from one island to another I think I have overcome my fear for water. Started off in Bali, got crazy over the shopping there. The sunset was beautiful beyond words. Ended the day stargazing with my brothers. Then it was Gili Trawangan the next morning. Glad the water wasnt choppy so I would say I actually enjoyed the two hour ride.Gili is such a lazy island I swear.You dont see anyone rushing or even pulling a sad face cos everyone's so happy. I love happy people. An island with no vehicle or motors, so we cycled the entire island. I seriously think we deserve a certificate for this because there were so many obstacles along the way and Gili is way way way bigger than Pulau Ubin and what the hell, its not everyday you get to cycle around the entire island. Watched Eat Pray Love at night. Not the usual cinema theatre. The movies were all played in cafes by the beach so everyone would come at the supposed timing and we would all watch together through a big screen like so cool right. Internet cafes at $0.03 a minute hoho should see the look on my brother's face when we saw an internet cafe. Stargazing at night again. The view from my apartment's rooftop were so beautiful I wish I could stay there forever. Snorkeling the next day epic fail when we bought an underwater camera but being able to float in the middle of the sea without panicking was so hard so I kental have to use lifevest and of course... no underwater pictures were taken booooooo. But at least a school of nemos swam past me. A good satisfying dinner at night despite a cat leaping on me. wahhhh that one fml moment after I screamed and everyone looked at me I mean seriously, Singapore cats dont jumped on you please. My brother and I then watched Hangover2 at the same cafe super hilarious. Next morning speedboat to the Lombok. I would say Lombok is still the best. We went trekking to the foot of Mt Rinjani, swam at a freaking huge waterfall, it was as big as Niagara's not joking. Lombok's such a quiet island and everyone's so friendly and even the mbak mbak doing my hair talk to me but another epic fail to look like Alicia Keys cos my parents were in a hurry to go back to Bali. If we could ever replanned everything its definitely a longer stay in Lombok. Hopped back to Bali shopped like crazy and so I came back with a happy tummy, a tanner body and a chubbier face. Me so fat already why why why.

2011-06-25T01:36:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHO'S BACK BACK BACK , BACK AGAIN!!! Kayz.....it has probably been 4 months since I went laptop-less so now that my dad has bought my brothers and I macbook and gateway( whoever still uses gateway la please but its okay something than nothing aye) I am sensing my social path is back. Wah I hate how I am caught up in between two choices, both of which are equally as important. Everyone thinks its easy, you graduate get a job and bamm thats it. Fulus flowing in. Or easy. Parents paying for your degree. I honestly dont know what I am going to do after this but I guess they always say "just go with the flow". We'll see where mine flows to.

Work has been crazy. My ma keep saying I work like I wanna tunang soon like that but really it sucks when you dont really get to spend the money like how you wanted it. FOX gives really terrible schedules and I am only a part timer lorrrrrrrrr. But besides that I think life is awesome at the moment. I am happy.

Anyway it was a humble 20th celebration unlike the crazy over the top 19th I had last year and all. I guess this year's abit different. F was nice to come down all the way woke me up from my afternoon nap ( yeah I actually slept in the afternoon on my birthday cos well..everyone else was working) and gave me something. I understand now why girls love flowers. Then it was dinner with my family..once in awhile its nice to have everyone around. The next day, went Sentosa with F, bought the half day pass haha it was hilarious and I actually had so much fun. It was a good day, thank you (:
Manage to date my bestfriend after not seeing her for such a long time, please dont study too hard baby. It was another good date, had Gelare, got stopped by some Uniqlo staffs wanting to take our picture haha shy horrrrr and the wallet, its gorgeous. I love it and thank you for being there. For always being there. And lastly, how can I forget my girls surprised me at home when I was almost dozing off in my bed. They crashed into my house with a balloon and a cake hahha papa achnas love you girls!

Now do you understand why I am happy? I have this beautiful people around me, if thats not a reason to smile, then what is? Goodnight.

2011-06-25T00:18:00.000+08:00

Life is taking a toll on me. I sense changes already. I am 20. And I feel old. Like really. I remember being 16 and always being glued to the laptop 24/7. Right now, I can prolly live without a laptop or perhaps even facebook. I could stay up the whole night and think of entries to write on my blog in the past now I just lost the vibe to blog. Whatever has happened to my social life. Do all the 20 year olds feel the same way too?

2011-06-16T18:18:00.001+08:00

20, for real?

2011-06-08T23:40:00.000+08:00

Gili island such a lazy island I can lepak by the beach the whole day.

2011-06-06T21:07:00.000+08:00

AS OF NOW IM TYPING THIS, IM IN SOME INTERNET CAFE AT BALI AND YOU SHOULD SEE THE REACTION MY BROTHERS AND I MADE WHEN WE SAW THIS CAFE FROM FAR. WHAT I HAVE TO SAY SO FAR. BALI'S AWESOMEEEEEE. WE'RE ISLAND HOPPING TO LOMBOK TOMORROW AND THATS LIKE 2 HOURS OF SPEEDBOAT RIDE AND ALL THE BEST TO WHOEVER'S GONNA CLEAR MY TREASURE LATER. ( I ALWAYS GET SEASICK WHAT TO DO). MY PARENTS ARE SLEEPING IN THE HOTEL ALREADY GOD ITS ONLY 9PM THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG COME ONNNNN. MY BROTHERS AND I..WE'RE HEADING SOMEWHERE FUN TONIGHT HEH HEH :D

PS: SORRY FOR THE CAPS BUT APPARENTLY THIS KEYBOARD LIKE SPOILT ONLY. HAVE FUN IN SINGAPORE YOU GUYS!

2011-05-29T19:23:00.000+08:00

You're one in three hundred and twenty five.

2011-05-29T15:07:00.000+08:00

OFFICIALLY A GRADUATE!!

Alhamdullilah for once I feel I have made my parents really proud. I honestly could not have done this without you guys. Its prolly three years worth the wait and while I was sitting down in the auditorium I reflected back when I was just 17, totally oblivious to the fact that the next three years of my life would pass by like a bullet train. I'll miss school. Everyone's asking me whats my plan after this.. honestly I dont know. I want to pursue a degree so much but not with my parents paying for me of course. So I think Im getting myself a full time job this july. That day I went for my first full time job and it went pretty umm...well. The GM and I ended up talking about India it made the whole interview less stressful for me. I hope I get the job insyallah.

I love how everything is falling into place. Thank You Allah <3

2011-05-21T20:31:00.000+08:00

I know Ma will kill me but I was thisssss close to purchasing an air ticket and go on a backpacking trip, alone. I know right. And she will prolly slaughter me to death if I tell her I want to go India. ( Come on its not that bad okay) My ma gave me the best-est advice after I hit 18. She wanted me to travel and see the world as much as I can before settling down and I'm sure there are exceptions. Like this. But India is so pretty and colourful and urghhh I dont mind having naan for breakfast lunch dinner everyday. I prolly need to write a good proposal and convinced her so that I'll be in pretty Manali by next month. 

2011-05-19T09:27:00.000+08:00

The future is scary, but you cant just run back to the past because its familiar. 

Yes its tempting, but its a mistake.

2011-05-14T20:01:00.003+08:00

Thank you because after a long time, my heart skipped a beat. Hehehehhehehee why you very cute!

2011-05-13T02:38:00.000+08:00

So it was Little India with ma and pa on my off day. The threading that I did...it went horribly wrong so guess what. I have highway eyebrows or whatever you called it $%^*(*^% hope it will grow in time for graduation please please. Speaking of which I think I am prolly the last who have yet to collect my gown, and the thought of travelling all the way down, alone zzz. Sometimes I think people try to pretend to be happy so much that they dont realise it will probably break them apart even more when perhaps all they need is time. Time heals all wound, believe me. Today a friend told me "Jar, you look really really happy these days. " Oh guess what, I am not pretending this time. I am really happy. Thank you Allah.

2011-05-05T22:40:00.000+08:00

Few days back I took 3 days off from work and went on a short getaway with Aida and what seems to be just another getaway turned out really fun. My tummy was really happy and I think until today its probably still smiling. We stayed over at Jaddul's place where his mom, whom I with no doubt, believe she is a racer in disguise, played a really friendly host. She drove us to basically almost everywhere and made sure we wouldn't leave a restaurant without a happy tummy. Jaddul treated us seafood for dinner at Restoran Johan (please go and try the seafood there cos it will prolly cost you only less then RM50 for everything! I would recommend this place for sure cheh feeling2 tripadvisor.com) and despite the long waiting time, I think it was all worth it! At night, the three of us movie marathon till the wee hours of morning and I will probably miss sleeping in the same bed as Aida because we had our heart to heart talks and bb, if you are reading this, I miss you and I know someday things will change for the better. The next day, we walked to Jusco since Jaddul's mom was working and boy was the weather so hot my body was probably bathing inside. Bought so much junks, had A&W standarddd perangai singaporean, played arcade and we couldnt play basketball for god's sake we laughed so hard hahah someday we have to drag the other girls into this too. I ate sooo much I think I have grown so fat my thighs are already touching sorry ah im not being self conscious but I think whenever I look at myself in the mirror now I really see a huge elephant and I am not joking. I hope the gym in Pasir Ris is opening anytime soon. But anyway, it was definitely a good getaway with the both of them. Heh heh next month.... I see paradise!

The weather looks awesomely chilly just like in Aussie...not.

ps : Can anyone recommend me a good acne cream or something? I dont know why Im 20 and I still have pimples appearing :/

2011-05-04T23:25:00.000+08:00

The next three months will be by no doubt the most interesting phase of my life insyallah. 

Hello, May.

2011-04-28T12:45:00.002+08:00

So another event is done, finally I get my well deserved break. It's been crazy really. And sometimes I asked myself why the hell am I working so hard for now, especially during my holidays? Few days back after not seeing Ma for quite sometime, she asked me " You work so hard you want to get married isit?" Hahaha marriage zzz. I hate talking about it nowadays. But anyway, I think retail might be something I will get serious into because judging at the number of people that I might have made their day, I think I have this potential in me ( cheh cheh) like you know you make a customer really happy when they come back to your store the next day and  randomly dropped by to say Hi and I think thats really...sweet. And the other day, a customer just hugged me because I found the perfect jeans for her awww. Now I think I might miss working there. 

A few days back before work started, I did something that I have always wanted to do. When I was in Year1, I wanted rockclimbing as my CCA. The thought of being able to climb walls .. I think its just crazy. But some shit happen, and  I didnt manage to go for the CCA day and so for three years I sloth my way throughout  poly with no CCA that is. So a few weeks back, I suggested Rockclimbing besides the usual lepak at starbucks talk talk gossip gossip play monopoly deal ah standard like boring already so we went ClimbAsia. I must tell you.. its worth every single cent. The place was really crowded around 5 plus but it slowly subside nearing 7 and lucky for us we got the whole wall to ourselves after that so of course lah everyone feeling feeling spiderman but nobody could do it except Faris and Jason. And judging at the speed they were going, they can really panjat tembok manzxz. There were different walls that you could climb but I think for beginners like me you barely reach 10ft you happy like anything already. But anyway, I went home feeling good because I can strike off one of the many many things that I have been dying to do and not to mention waking up in the morning with a throbbing pain on my arms....because heh muscle growing beb! Next up, muay thai anyone!

2011-04-17T02:25:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats a long and tiring week with a good deserving getaway. We met really early in the morning, grabbed a quick breakfast and off we went to the ferry. The girls were so sweet when they just talk and talk and talk in the ferry to keep me distracted from getting seasick. Okay lah I very kental everytime I take boat/ ferry confirmmm chop I'll vomit but I think the excitement was too overwhelming I prolly forgot to puke, I dont know? But the trip felt really fast and before we knew it, we were already at Batam. Upon reaching, it was only 9 local time so the guide brought us to "look look see see" as he claimed. He actually believed that the 5 of us were sisters so the whole day all of us pretended we were siblings but I hate it everytime I have to be older one even when I was young, my cousins would made me the elder sisterlll not fair whyyy I want to the cute little sisterlll who gets the most attention boooo but anyway, it was only 10 when the guide brought us to one of the mall and there were barely any shops opened so we played Monopoly Deal. Haha perangai singaporean.

Then it was lunch. It was one hell of a spreadddddd I tell you. Chilli crab, calamari, cereal praws everything was awesome. It was really a menjilat jari moment man. Everyone was busy savouring on their food that for a moment, everything went silent. Thank goodness it was an all girls trip because when everyone was eating, nobody cared about how they look, how their hair's all messed up, how PBG we look when we have crab on one hand and calamari on the other. Haha omg I feel so awesome.

After lunch all perangai pig wanna sleep in the van but the guide suggested doing Go kart and after contemplating for quite some time, we all decided to give it a try. I would say it was worth the money because the circuit was all ours and he gave us a complimentary half an hour extra so we race like crazy. Okay lah we didnt exactly race because my go kart always potong steam everytime I want to feeling2 Louis Hamilton. It died on me a few times and I always get stranded in the middle of the circuit but it was hell fun! Now I really cant wait to dirt bike.

After the mad crazy feeling2 F1 moment, he drove us to the mall. Grocery shopping with the girls were epic. Haha all perangai very makcik2 you know buy chilli sos lah, maggi lah, keropok lah and all the what not a makcik would buy haha I feel like replaying those moment over and over again. Can someone remind Dhab that she is only 20 and not 40 and she should stop acting like a typical auntie. But the items there were freaking cheap can you believe I only spend $3 there! Sighs sometimes I wonder why is the cost of living here so expensive. After which we were suppose to be manicure, massage and cream bath and not knowing that these things take at least an hour or 2 and we have got not much time left, we had to ditch that idea. ( nooooo way I went to Batam for their massage boooo ) So we ended up at A&W had the awesome root beer float before leaving Batam at 7.

Damnn I wish the trip was longer but now that we know how a day trip is like, please let the next trip be a better one girls! Anyway when I came back home my mom laughed at me when she saw the stuff that I bought. " Haha you so funny at singapore ask you buy chilli sos say malas lah that la this la, this one go other people country buy chilli sos for what. You nonsense" I dont understand mothers sometimes.

2011-04-17T00:34:00.000+08:00

~~Rockclimbing.~~ DONE

2011-04-15T20:06:00.001+08:00

10)Watching movie alone. DONE

2011-04-12T19:06:00.000+08:00

(You dont know how many times I have backspaced this god damn post because I think I have lost the vibe to blog and I dont know what to blog anymore but well for what its worth, maybe I do have readers, I dont know?)

It was a mad crazy super insane week. I did full shift for 11 days straight and I am still alive. Woo. But anyway, work was awesome. The people that I made friends with were so friendly and crazy and we could go on laughing and not doing work which made time passes even faster . Such a great bunch, k lah besides the fact that they made me so depressed about myself because all of them are 16-19 year old kids and I feel so terribly old around them hahah I think Im facing young adulthood crisis already. I dont wanna find a full time job yet because its just crazy thinking about the hours I might have to put into and not being able to enjoy anymore after that. But anyway, I sense May and June being a good month. Kaching $$ coming in, lots of getaways, Graduation Day and Island hopping with the family. Insyallah.

You know they say, for everything that falls apart, something good awaits? I think I believe in that. Allah, thank You. On a good note, I cannot wait for supper with my babies and a short getaway with my girls tomorrow.

2011-04-01T00:16:00.001+08:00

Pretty much sums up the Malacca trip, kay that felt like a long time ago. Happy not, happy not I update?

2011-03-31T23:25:00.000+08:00

Good catch up session with the girls last week. Order and order and order at last bill datang we also shock haha but its okay, cos you know what girls? We are entering the working life real soon, before you know it, we will be shopping for Kate Spade bags together! Sighs I wish we didnt had to grow up so fast. I wish I could see Dhab in her sports shoe always. I wish I could fool around exco duty with Aida every morning and never get caught.I miss having recess with you girls plus Yenn and Fana and the rest. K suddenly recess seems like an old word to me already. Cant believe 7 freaking years ago, I was in sec1. Holy.Crap. 20 this year? For real!??

"Best friends are people you don’t need to talk to every single day.  You don’t need to talk to each other for weeks, but when you do, it’s as  if you didn’t even stop talking." 

2011-03-31T13:42:00.001+08:00

How time flies. Its already April tomorrow. My nazak laptop died last week, Innallilah so now I cant hardly post pictures thats been long overdue. Yesterday I broke down hahah k actually whats new la right but I feel 20 is too young of an age to break down because of work.. everyone's so competitive and its scary seeing how people have high expectations of me and I continue disappointing them time and time again. I dont know if I wanna continue this job though the pay cheque's like freaking good. Its one of those feeling where you know its gonna be beneficial for you in the future years yet you dont know if you are gonna be happy doing it. Sighs.  Did I mention that I manage to graduate and I kinda did pretty well. Hoho who would have expected I'd have A's and distinctions reflected on the transcript, Alhamdullilah. Those fml moments are actually worth it to think about it. And last week was prolly one of the best weekends I had ever because for three days straight I felt like I did something so productive thats why they say dont wake up too late cos half your day is already gone by the time you wake up. Okay la Im off to work. And just so you know, I have never been much happier about my life right now. Thank you Allah <3

2011-03-28T02:22:00.000+08:00

Best weekend ever. Omg, its been awhile I feel this happy. More updates sooon! 

2011-03-19T02:51:00.001+08:00

"Allah, the Exalted, knows that it is not easy to    exercise patience and perseverance during hardship, therefore, He    promised those who do it great rewards. However, patience and    perseverance will be easy for those who are humble and conscious of    Allah (Q2:45-6)" 

2011-03-16T14:09:00.000+08:00

It was a chilly and perfect morning to have a good beauty sleep but no, Pa woke me up at 7 in the morning , all  hyped up and said " Come we going Malacca!!' and I am like " Whuttttttttttt. Malacca? like now?". Honestly, I wasnt really excited for this whole impromptu trip because for one, he wasnt driving us there and two, the thought of being in a really long bus ride somehow dampens the mood. I hate long bus rides. But since I wanted a getaway so badly, might as well embraced it so 2 hours later, we found ourselves at Larkin, waiting for a bus to Malacca. 

Thank god for that journey only lasted for 2 hours. It wasnt like any normal trip where your itenaries are somehow planned and you know what to do next. When we reached Malacca,  we were lost. Like we didn't know where to head next and who to approach. Got ourselves in a really cramped taxi and headed to a hotel only to find out it was fully booked. So we hotel-hopped and finally got ourselves settled in a really good hotel with an awesome view of the bay.  I think my family's a huge fan of Holiday Inn hotels. 

Had lunch at some warong tepi jalan serving Asam Pedas. Well they say Malacca's known for their Asam Pedas but honestly I think Ma's one wayyyyy better. But this is one thing I love about my family. When we are out overseas, we do everything the locals do. The food they eat, the way they travel around. I think taking the local buses to and fro was so much interesting and not to mention cheaper, than taking a cab. But we probably have to work on the way we dress haha cannot make it la tshirt and tudung how like that. I think I came back home 2 kg heavier cos we practically ate like almost every 3 hours. I probably tasted the nicest roti canai ever because it was so damn freaking good we ordered like 15 roti canai in all and food there's like so cheap everywhere. singapore why you no cheap cheap food. It was more like a food expedition and I would second my dad to be the next SeeToh. He can seriously eat. 

Though it was only a day's trip, this is probably one of the best impromptu getaways I ever had. And anyway, did I mention a trip to Malacca only cost $8 if that's not cheap to you I don't know what is hahaha so next time if im bored I wont head to Tampines Mall or ION. I'll just ring a few friends up and go "amaciam Malacca pa geng?! Now, who's up for it?

2011-03-13T01:52:00.000+08:00

I wish I was back being 16 having that kulintang all to myself, learning new songs, excessive trainings every week, clinching the GWH award, Honestly I think being part of SNO was such an honour I would relive those moments again if given a chance to. It was prolly one of the best thing that ever happened to me in school and watching CLV made me miss every single tiny bit of it. Sighs, why do we have to grow up so fast?

2011-03-12T01:23:00.000+08:00

2011-03-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

Spending 3 days with a bunch of awesome kids that pops me stupid questions every minute would have gotten me a huge migraine and a terrible sore throat but no, instead I somehow realize that maybe teaching would be a good profession for me. A dream I have always wanted since young, a dream I am kind of fearful of. But you know these 14 year olds made me feel like I was the best thing that ever happen to them okay seriously you may think I am exaggerating but when asked a simple question if they want to go through this all over again and without hesitation answered a quick yes, I think I did a pretty good job. I kinda proved Pa wrong when he said doing this part time job was a mistake. There were bad moments of course, but to think of it, these kids were such an angels, really. When I am angry, they would immediately shut up and when you know you have this power over them hoho you feel like using that authority you have over and over again hahaha. And so right now I am really hoping NIE would give me a call so that I can meet more of these angels. But anyway the 3d2n camp was somehow a good getaway and I am actually glad I was brave enough to step out of my comfort zone. Now, give me one awesome clap!

2011-03-07T00:15:00.000+08:00

Ma. Pa. Happy Tummy. Career Fair. Starbucks . Well-spent Saturday.

It sucks sometimes to be missing someone and not being able to tell anyone about it.

2011-03-06T02:06:00.000+08:00

I cant even stroke a cat, you are asking me to hold a bull frog? No way. Now kids, please be nice to Teacher Hajjar.

A treasure worth more than anything

2011-03-02T17:48:00.000+08:00

It was a mini flea at the comfort of my own room with Ma telling me " k dump this, no keep that" and I realized I have been keeping wayyyy too many junk inside, I would seriously consider giving them away. Like.all.of.them. But anyway, while in the midst of all those clearing up, I came across a box. Now, I am sure every girl has their own 'treasure box' where they keep all sorts of junks like movie tickets, love letters, photographs and whatnots. Those kind of stuff that is somehow stupid but rather significant to you. And so, I found mine today!

There was this sweet wrapper found in the box and I almost threw it away before I actually realised how this particular sweet wrapper was flooded with so many memories. This sweet wrapper made things less a little awkward between me and blablabla. This sweet wrapper witness the start of a friendship. This sweet wrapper became our joke everytime we talked about how we met. With so many memories etching,I think I knew why I didnt throw that sweet wrapper away. There was old photographs of me and the girls, my primary school diaries, my old ezlink card, love letters from wayyyyy back in primary school haha ( dont be surprised at the command of english you had last time)A's box of Eclipse sweets, a drawing of K and me, dried rose petals A gave to me on Grad Night, a paper with A's handwritings on it, and lots of movie tickets dated since 2003.

There was so much junk inside that box you would be surprised what these little things meant to you once. I also found a few dozens of letters that I wrote to myself, to my girls, to D, to A, to K, to A, and to A. Those kind of letters that is lengthy but sincere. Those kind of letters you wrote when you're sad and you just keep on writing and writing and writing like the world doesn't care. Those kind of letters that touched your heart even till today. You know, one thing about writing letters is it gives you the ability to feel a sense of personal touch and also the warmth of a handwritten letter, that the technology cannot replace. And this direct physical act makes it so unique honestly, what has technology brought us into? I would die to have a guy who writes me letters hahaha just dont be a mat jiwang please.

Now, I think I had my fair share of people doing sweet things to me and the memories they gave to me be it happy or sad, its nice reflecting all of them once in awhile. Honestly, don't ever throw something that is of significant to you cos you will be surprised how these memories, can somehow make your day.

March oh March, please be awesome.

2011-02-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

I love people who makes me laugh. I honestly think its the thing I like the most. To laugh. It cures a multitudes of ills and thats probably the most important thing for a person. So spend your time with people who'd sizzle and pops out your life and make you laugh out loud.

2011-02-27T04:02:00.000+08:00

Hahahhhahah Achnas is my name, badminton's my game. Lol, I think I know where I get my nonsense from.

2011-02-27T03:22:00.001+08:00

Since the camera wasn't doing me any justice, I shall not post a picture of myself. My hair was a mess, my eyebrows looks like they were balding, my eyebags were so heavy, I looked so horrible in all the pictures but anyway an awesome day comes with awesome company, I couldnt ask for more. So thanks girls. I wish life can remain as happy and simple like this. Sometimes people need to be reminded that there are those who actually love and care for them even if it really wasnt shown, so that they know they know they are worth more than the value they placed on themselves. But anyway, I love heart to heart talks <3

2011-02-26T13:37:00.000+08:00

Happy days are here again. I just finished 3 of my major papers, all of which was relatively do-able alhamdullilah I hope the hard work pays off. If things go well, insyallah I'll graduate in May. Then for once, I can make my parents proud. I have been making lots and lots of graduation plans and I cannot wait for the two smellys Nadine and Iqah to end their papers then we can hooray hooray. With plans come the money part. Sighs to go Bangkok need money, to picnic need money, to eat tandoori need money so.. I got myself a job. At least.. Im almost there. And then comes the plan with the girls and Aishah. I cannot wait to fly kiteeeee.

Sorry I just have to fit this in. But hands down I have to say braces > retainers!! I honestly cannot imagined how people can use retainers every night for the rest of their lives. Retainers are just plain annoying and it never fail to make me feel like an old grandmother with dentures. Everytime I take it out to eat, Hakim would go eeeee nenek. zzzzz. I mean its good thing that I have stopped snacking. But its just darn bloody irritating that you know you have something in your mouth and even after a month, your mouth still hasnt got used to it and having to wear this forever, sheesh talk about commitments. I hate commitments. And I miss my braces. Booooo.

But well on a good note, its Saturday and I have a date! Teehee I love plans.

2011-02-16T00:31:00.000+08:00

I would like to stay a secret, like walking in the dark , if no one knows you, no one cares and no one breaks your heart.

2011-02-15T13:28:00.000+08:00

Ma's birthday. Birthday girl wanted fish head curry so we went to Little India. I love how my hands smell of curry after that. I can seriously fall in love with the streets there. I think one day I should bring my date to places like these and take pictures and feeling feeling tourists hahah. But anyway, it was a really a good celebration with the family. Sorry la ma, once Im working I'll get you 10 longchamp, 20 chanel and 30 burberry bags okay now I isxzx so broke. Butttttt I bake her a cake heh pats on the back Hajjar , you are not so hopeless afterall. Next birthday. heh Yours truly.

2011-02-13T00:30:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Mama <3

2011-02-11T00:53:00.000+08:00

If you asked me of any love hate relationship I'd experienced, I would say the affair I had with school. Apart from the long dreadful travelling journey to and fro, I think school has made me into a happy person. Like really really happy. From being in the wrong class for a week, to having to repeat a goddamn module and the awesome people I made friends with, I think school was a good stress reliever...and a getaway. When I was in Year 1, out of the gazillion million freshies there was in school, they registered MY name under the wrong class and so this goon here went to the wrong class for a week and nobody knows until one day I got called by the module coordinator or something. Haha sometimes I wonder why do stupid things have to happen to me and only me sighs. And eye candies were such good topic of conversation and they were always the reason to look forward to lectures. Everything went well until I had to repeat a goddamn module. Okay I really didnt study for that paper and I dont know what I was honestly thinking.. perhaps for a miracle to happen or something but I felt that I deserve it anyway. The next one semester was really a life changing moment. I dreaded school so much cos I fear of the changes that was gonna happen around me like meeting new classmates and not having my clique with me. But I think all these joining of so many different classes kinda expand my circle of friends which was good of course. And then there would definitely be this period of the semester where its just mind fcuking crazy with all the reports and projects and exams all due on the same week and even after three years I don't think I have grown immune to that yet. Its just... pure madness. Report almost done but didn't save the whole document and everything gone. Been through that. Free riders in the group. Yes been there. Craziest week with 3 reports to hand up in a week and laptop decides to crash out of SO many days. Uh huh been through that too. Life's funny sometimes. But I think its these little things that I would miss. It was definitely one helluva journey. It's really not easy I would say but think of what a diploma can do to your future. And this is specially for my bby, Aishah. Work hard sha and you will see a really satisfactory results in two years time. I know you are smart so dont ever think of giving up!

I had my last day of school just now.. as a student. It's kinda hard to let go of something you have been so used to but well, the lecturer said the next 5 years of our life would be EVEN more interesting than this so Im kinda like looking forward to it. Honestly, I would really love to be part of this forever but Allah, for once please let things go my way. Make me graduate and make my parents proud. Just this once. Amin.

2011-02-10T06:38:00.000+08:00

I forgot how cold 6am's were.

2011-02-08T03:05:00.002+08:00

There are days when I wake up and asked myself, whats my purpose in life. I am sure God made me for a reason. I mean we all don't wake up one day and tell ourselves "okay I wanna be an lawyer" right. There has to be that significant incident that happen that made you want to be who you want to be and there's when my issue comes in. I haven't seen that light yet. I don't know if it's only me or what but I am so.. lost. Aimless. Not that I don't have plans in life, I have so many in fact, but I just don't know to what extend am I willing to go all the way, to reach for it.. like isit gonna be worth it. Sometimes I feel like I'm just stranded in some island, like I was suppose to know how to swim alone to the shore. And I think that's the problem with me. I am so use to being guided and spoon feed with every single thing , now serve me right. Sighs. I wish sometimes Ma & Pa can sit down and have a good talk to me about this cos they seem so umm.. uninterested or busy or whatever I don't know but uhhhh, I hate it when my life's so aimless. ):

But well, on a better note, Im down with one week left to go and then its my final papers (!!!!!!). I don't know to be sad or to be happy that school's over but I think I really need a longggggggggg break after this. Its 3 in the morning, I had a short power nap just now which I thought would be good to stay up late and do some revising but oh ma gadddddd the internet is such a distraction I wish the internet wouldnt work. Hmm its such a good weather to have nasi goreng with telur mata lembu now. Omg steam gila. K bye.

2011-02-05T15:42:00.003+08:00

2011-02-05T01:31:00.000+08:00

You are not interested in others, but you hate loneliness.

The room's a good hide out.

2011-02-03T01:50:00.000+08:00

I think God made friends because friends make you happy. Naturally. Without trying too hard. Thank you girls. For ALWAYS being there <3

2011-02-02T15:50:00.001+08:00

HAHAHA brother oh brother, why you is so cutezxzxzx?

One of those random family day. Can we have this again Ma?

2011-02-01T23:43:00.000+08:00

Heh cant wait.